Not all Emotions are Needed!
I was talking to a friend about Emotional Resolution (EmRes) and how it removes unwanted emotions. My friend got a little irritated with me and said, "I don't want to get rid of my emotions. I like my emotions, my sad and angry, my tears of frustration. They tell me about what is going on. They tell me when my boundaries are being crossed and when I should take action for my own best interest."
And that got me to thinking about the emotions that no longer come up in me. Are my boundaries still intact? Am I living with my head in the clouds with blunted awareness?
Short answer: NO, I don't walk around like a smiling zombie. I am still fully aware when someone crosses my boundaries. It's just that now, my response is so much more appropriate, more in connection with my current reality. I don't react emotionally to many situations anymore.
Let me explain...
There are all kinds of emotions, that have varying levels of effect, duration, and origin. Simply put, emotions are internal sensory information generated by the body. Some emotions are generated as a direct response from the actual situation that we are living. Some emotions are generated from past situations that did injure us in some way. These emotions are predictions from our brain.
Primary Emotions - are the first felt response to a situation and they often dissipate as soon as their message is delivered. These EMOTIONAL RESPONSES are in-sync with the current reality, the existing situation. They last a split second, just enough time to get the brain engaged and alerted, leaving space for an "appropriate" action to follow. More than an emotion maybe could we call them an heightened awareness.
Secondary Emotions - are a reaction to the primary emotion, an emotion induced by an emotional response. Secondary emotions are based on your personal catalog of past events and traumas (the prediction mentioned earlier).
The subconscious mind remembers everything that has ever happened to you and will construct a prediction about what will come next in your current reality. Unresolved past traumas live on in our bodies as sensory imprints. If a sensory imprint related to the prediction is available, it is awakened and becomes another matrix of physical sensations that the mind will interpret as an emotion causing another action directive.
Let's illustrate this a little with some examples
The Dog Lover
You are walking down the street and turn around a blind corner, a big dog jumps at you barking, and you're startled.
In the first micro-seconds, you feel physical sensations: hard to breathe, heart jump, prickly hands (a matrix of physical sensations unique to you). Your brain says Danger! should I run, fight or freeze?
Let's assume you are not particularly afraid of dogs. No past dog trauma and resulting sensory imprinting.
You look at the dog, recognize her as Lucy, the neighbor's dog. It's all good, she's just happy to see you.
Your body resolves the physical sensations. And you move to a different response--joy to see Lucy.
Here are two primary emotions: Heightened awareness at barking jumping dog and more sustained happiness of seeing a dog friend. The first emotion, heightened awareness, was felt and quickly extinguished. It didn't trigger a secondary emotion.
The Dog Alarmed
You are walking down the street and turn around a blind corner, a big dog jumps at you barking, and you're startled.
In the first nano-seconds, you feel physical sensations: hard to breathe, heart jump, prickly hands (a matrix unique to you). Your brain says Danger! should I run, fight or freeze?
Let's assume you ARE afraid of dogs. Your subconscious finds memories of dog-related trauma. It remembers a past situation and predicts that the current situation is similar enough. It ignites the associated unresolved matrix of physical sensations embedded in your sensory pathways. You feel the sensations of anger and your brain reacts in anger.
Anger is a secondary emotion in this case. It was present in reaction to the original fear AND the false prediction about current danger from the dog. Depending on the level and volume of anger, this response is also called a "Taking Over" feeling, because the anger takes you out of yourself. It takes over your response to the situation and you seemingly are now just along for the ride.
You look at the dog, recognize her as Lucy, the neighbor's dog. The dog is happy to see you, but all you can do is yell at her and at the neighbor to get the dog away. You are fully in your anger, probably over-the-top anger. In your mind, it feels appropriate. Your body is stuck in the physical sensations of anger, that your body is having trouble resolving. Your body memory is not responding to the current situation--it's responding to/from past trauma.
Here is one primary emotion, Heightened awareness, and a secondary emotion, Anger.
Emotional Resolution does NOT work on primary emotions or secondary emotions, including the taking-over feelings
Why? What's the difference?
Primary emotions are instinctual.
It's like the high alert felt when a snake is seen in the grass. Biologically it's probably always a good idea to be on alert for snakes. Some are poisonous and better safe than sorry. EmRes will not rewire instinctual responses.
However, if the snake is behind glass at a zoo or is someone's pet, the primal fear of snakes should not affect you. And it will not affect you unless there is more than instinct in play.
All secondary emotions point, with amazing accuracy, directly to past trauma,
even if the trauma can not be consciously remembered. The unconscious mind remembers everything.
Unresolved emotional trauma is stored in the sensory pathways of the body. These body memories are invoked by the subconscious mind when it predicts the current situation is similar to the trauma situation.
Emotional Resolution is a process that resets the subconscious links between past trauma, the sensory imprint from that trauma, and the current situation. It does this by RESOLVING the sensory imprint. The matrix of physical sensations is "metabolized" by the body, no longer available to be sparked alive.
Once the imprint is resolved (or reset), the trauma memory fades in importance because there is nothing connected to it. That is to say, if there is a conscious memory it becomes less meaningful in the emotion activating process and the unconscious memory has no body memory to trigger.
No more reactions due to secondary emotions. No more taking-over feelings.
Now an appropriate response is available to you.
You can back up/sidestep the dog if you don't want them jumping up on you. You can do the same with the snake in the grass. You can tell the boundary-breaker: NO or STOP, have a discussion or disconnect the encounter or relationship. Without the secondary emotion, there are so many more options available to you!
I also want to mention another kind of emotion: meta-emotion. Meta-emotions are the way we "feel" about our feelings. It is how you view the emotions others or you express. Are you ashamed of crying in public? Are you disappointed in yourself when you express anger? How do you feel when you see someone else crying or angry?
For the Fear-of-dog case, you are likely to feel pride in your reaction. You might feel fully justified in being angry and telling the neighbor off about her loose dog. Thinking that they are the problem, not you. The dog probably shouldn't jump up on anyone, but anger is rarely an answer to any problem.
In many respects, meta-emotions are keeping us stuck. They have a stake in us thinking, like my friend, that the secondary emotional reaction is right and necessary. That it somehow keeps me safe, informed, and connected with the world around me. That wall-flower approach or the gruff sarcastic retort is just part of my personality.
Well, no. Secondary responses have to do with the past events and we are reliving those events through subconscious false predictions and embedded sensory feelings.
And Yes, Emotional Resolution works the same way with meta-emotions. Once the connections between the past trauma, emotional imprint, and current situation are resolved, meta-emotions are no longer barriers to our personal growth.
SO, Emotional Resolution
does NOT work on primary emotions (thank goodness!)
does work on secondary emotions, including the taking-over feelings AND meta-emotions
In conclusion, let me share the story of friend who has done many resolutions
"I was driving on a freeway and up ahead of me a big semi-truck in the far left lane swerved too far to the left, tipped over, and started crashing down the road on the guard rail. I was surprised that I didn't react or I didn't feel like I reacted. I did get hyper-focused on slowing and making my way through the debris, flying and off the road. It was weird. Before EmRes, I would have freaked out and probably hit something in my panic to escape the debris field."
He had a primary emotion that brought him into high focus and alertness. But he no longer had the embedded emotional patterns for his subconscious to cling to and handled the dangerous situation with as much grace and skill as we can imagine.
I've found that since my secondary emotions are infrequent these days, I have so much room to just be happy and at peace with my life. I change what I can without drama and make arrangements for the rest. I've become content.
In fact, another friend is famous for saying "If you are not content, then you have something to resolve."
Not all Emotions are Necessary! We can eliminate the emotions that are holding us back.
What emotional reactions are holding you back?
Reference
1. Primary and Secondary Emotions, http://changingminds.org/explanations/emotions/primary_secondary.htm
2. Secondary Emotions, https://lifelineconnections.org/secondary-emotions/
3. Meta-Emotions: What They Are & How To Deal With Them, by Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT, https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/meta-emotions-and-how-to-deal-with-feelings-in-relationships